m+d {ageless beauty}

megan has been my most constant model for years now - and it wasn't always fun: i once had to photograph her every single day for a month. the term 'photograph' became 'pester'. our collaborations have really improved since then, but the reasons she's a great model haven't changed: gorgeous blue eyes, fierce expressions, and glowy skin. this is one of my favorite shoots from this winter, mostly because i think the clothing and makeup work really well with the gloomy weather. we had to work fast before it began to rain profusely, and we were using the self-timer on my camera (which is always fun - you get to scurry back and forth and strike a pose before 10 seconds are up, especially good times in heels).

[caption id="attachment_120" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""...you can see it from the surface...""][/caption]

it was fun to play dress up. we felt like two little kids, prancing around in dresses and heels in drizzling, overcast weather. and, since the dress i wore belongs to megan's mother, we kind of were! we tried to go to a different location at first and were politely told that we were trespassing, but i used to run by our plan b property a few times a week and i wish it was mine! it has a beautiful little orchard and greenhouse.

[caption id="attachment_121" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""oceans won't freeze, so loosen your heart...""][/caption]

the song ageless beauty by stars came into my head while i was editing these and i couldn't get it out. i feel that the lyrics describe the concept we were working with: an audrey hepburn-style sort of elegance. ageless beauty embodies patience and contentedness. it is selfless love, the light that is so obvious, that "you can see it from the surface."

[caption id="attachment_122" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""we will always be a light""][/caption]

after we got rained out, we decided to use the window light in my kitchen, since we were all dressed up. it was rather cramped, but worth it.

[caption id="attachment_124" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""time will hold its promise""][/caption]

the way meg wrapped the scarf around her head reminds me of vermeer. all she needs is a pearl earring.

fin. <3

b. {in carnival-land}

originally, i wanted to photograph brie as alice in wonderland. we went to an abandoned amusement park, and the whole alice-in-wonderland concept didn't really pan out, visually. but thematically, it works for me - alice is about being displaced, confused, and lost - all the while retaining this childlike solemnity and practicality and i think brie's expressions really lend themselves to that. and i still like the eerie, decrepit feel of the torn-down rides and, because it was drizzling pretty much the entire time we were there, the misty quality of the light.

there were obviously no seats on the "tilt-a-whirl"; brie was perched very precariously on metal.

[caption id="attachment_96" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""It would be so nice if something made sense for a change...""][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_97" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""Well, when one's lost, i suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But-but who'd ever think to look for me here?""][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_99" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""I want to go home! But I can't find my way." / "Naturally. That's because you have no way. All ways here are the queen's way.""][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_100" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.""][/caption]

there are film shots of this adventure as well - i'm excited to see how they turn out.

[caption id="attachment_101" align="alignnone" width="510" caption=""Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe...""][/caption]

i think this last one is my favorite (of course, as it was the last set of the day):

[caption id="attachment_105" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption=""I was just giving myself some good advice...""][/caption]

alice in wonderland is my favorite movie of all time. i used to watch it every night before i went to bed, and i could probably write a thesis on why i relate so powerfully to the symbolism and themes of the story. but i won't bore you with that. i'll just say that anybody who's been lost knows just how good it feels to wake up from your bad dreams and be told, 'it's time for tea.' <3

meaning?

a short rant: a friend of mine had a confrontation with a teacher over the meaning of his work, which got me thinking about the meaning of my own work. sometimes i think that people place too much importance on certain kinds of meaning. it seems like for some people, art has to be politically or emotionally charged to be respected.

what if my photography isn't revolutionary? what if it doesn't start riots or provoke life-altering conversation? what if it just makes you notice something small, about the beauty of someone's skin or the lines the body creates in relation to its surroundings?

when you look at my work, you are seeing what i see, and because of that, you're seeing me. and i think the most important thing for me about art is to truly see each other. to connect with each other, and with each other's perceptions and insights.

i am not discounting the value of gritty, intense, in-your-face work. but you know what? i've been through a lot in life. the art i made during the worst time in my life is interesting, and i would probably get a lot more attention if all my work were like that, but i've changed. and i am a beauty-lover now. i love the way the shadows form under someone's features. i love the muted tones of natural light. i love fuzzy halos of hair, a splashy colored wall, the way the lines converge on a horizon. i really really love seeing simple lovely pieces of this crazy life.

i still respect ugliness. there are dark pieces of each of us, and it's important to recognize those. but it's not required to do that all the time. even if you haven't got anything really earth-shaking to say, say it anyway! someone's going to appreciate it. even if it's just you.

mother + daughter

cold day but warm-fuzzy-photos with jamaica, her mother miriam, and their cat, mama kitty (who, incidentally, is my childhood cat katan's mama!).

miriam recently moved back to corvallis from cottage grove, which, lucky for me, means i get to see both her and jamaica way more often!

these last few weeks have reminded me how beautiful winter can be - i've got three shoots after this one to edit - but i still can't wait for spring.

j. [circles]

this is my beautiful friend, who i love to photograph. that's pretty much all there is to it.

tonight i've been playing with speckles and circles. it's not particularly original, perhaps, but it sort of fits my mood at the moment. and, as my best teacher said eight billion times during college, 'everything's been done'.

there are these beautiful, weird cattails down the road from my house - i want to paint them.

good night, everyone... still working on the photography benefit for haiti. i think we've decided to make it an online auction, pretty much just like switchcities did. watch for it!

expired [film]

i've shot many rolls of film since fall and hadn't had any way to process the color... until now! i just got my expired color film back from the lab and was very excited about the results. one of the amazing and irreplaceable things about film is that when it's old or damaged, you can get some interesting color, grain, and contrast shifts. i happen to love how the color begins to skew and fade with age and can't wait to see what happens when i process the 30-year-old black and white rolls on monday!

these are from a shoot i did as a collaboration with my friend jozef. working with former classmates is always wonderful for me because collaborating and sharing ideas is one of the things i miss most about college. A. was our wonderful model who is being very patient with me - i still haven't gotten her a cd of the digital ones... or posted them anywhere for that matter... bah!

during this shoot i was testing out the hasselblad owned by the studio i work at - but i'm not sure which of these film shots are from it or from my trusty seagull. i couldn't quite get the hang of the hasselblad - i'm going to try again soon.

these next ones are from chanukah. i was in bellingham visiting my family and it snowed! my little sister talya has always been one of my favorite subjects.

[caption id="attachment_52" align="alignnone" width="448" caption="talya later made a snow penguin - i wish i had a picture of that!"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_53" align="alignnone" width="448" caption="on our way from the car to cafe avellino on a peaceful sunday morning"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_54" align="alignnone" width="448" caption="i guess this one should have been first - this is when the snow began to fall"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_55" align="alignnone" width="448" caption="this face = love"][/caption]

well, i guess that's all for now - but not for long! have a good weekend!

poem-lets

i'm hoping that the creation of this blog will bring me back to journaling - which i haven't been doing as often as i'd like. i'm pretty sure that that has something to do with the fact that the vast majority of my most recent work is on the computer, and not in any tangible form. i don't want to be redundant on here and post all the things i've already posted on facebook and flickr... but to introduce my blog i have decided to add my most recent project - an unprecedented collection of self-portraits. it used to be that i refused to be photographed, but with the encouragement of a friend and fellow photographer i decided to give it a go.

[caption id="attachment_27" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="who knows what temperatures these nightmares evenly soften?"][/caption]

it turned out that self-portraiture allowed me a canvas for what i like to call poem-lets... these are created by snipping words from magazines and newspapers, and even other people's poems and letters, and pasted down in the order that expresses what i am thinking at the time. before now i've always just put the poem-lets on collaged pictures from various sources, but this time i've added them to my own images.

[caption id="attachment_28" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="i'm more like a duck"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_31" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="change is melting in the minds of the frustrated"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_32" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="we lost her, and every because and better"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_33" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="you can wash your flaws"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_35" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="from 'la' by francesca lia block"][/caption]

this one was inspired by a short story called 'La' in one of my favorite books, 'Girl Goddess #9,' by the amazing Francesca Lia Block. i have never really found another author to rival her luscious, visual prose-poems. these books carried me through my adolescence when, typically for a fifteen-year-old, nothing about me seemed beautiful, and through a time of my life when it seemed like i would never be happy or free.

[caption id="attachment_36" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="now a band of rebels, again, again"][/caption]

i was reading 'Time' magazine when i made the poem-let on the left; mostly about the war in afghanistan. it's hard for me to hear about places like afghanistan, or really any sad and scary place. it's such a human impulse to hide behind denial, because it's such a great defense mechanism.

but i am reading this really beautifully written book called 'i live here' by Mia Kirshner (one of my favorite actresses from the L word). everyone's heard of afghanistan, but i'd never really known about the horrors in places like chechnya or burma. these places don't seem to filter into our daily knowledge, and yet things are happening in those places daily that deserve just as much attention as afghanistan does. i really admire mia for this deeply touching book.

[caption id="attachment_37" align="aligncenter" width="497" caption="on the inside i would be sold for this"][/caption]

well this is the end of my very first blog post! i sent in a few rolls of film to be processed (color, which i've never done before with my twin-lens), so hopefully i'll be able to post those sometime soon.

thanks to anyone who is reading this and comments and constructive criticism is always appreciated - but be nice. <3