i generally carry all three of my cameras - the 50d, point & shoot, and a twin-lens film camera (the seagull). unfortunately, the film photographs usually take several months to ever see the light of day, so i end up with batches of images that i barely remember taking. or maybe fortunately? sometimes that's more fun. [caption id="attachment_624" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="south corvallis, winter"][/caption]
i think differently when i photograph using the seagull. it feels more natural, more like an extension of my eyes than my digital camera. and i know that it isn't technically the best kind, so i let go of that need for a perfect image and just try to capture a bit of what i'm seeing. there's a loss of control, when you can't see what you've made and you end up with light leaks and dust spots, that i always love. my printmaking teacher says, "happy accidents".
i've been thinking a lot about that - capturing a piece of life, a slice of beauty, a tiny smidge of reality. so many of those attempts are futile - it seems impossible to truly catch that flickering smile, or the look in someone's eyes as they gaze at their lover. even the way a flower looks! to really and truly capture that is so hard. and there's that sense i get of spending my energy trying to render life onto film instead of being in the moment myself and actually experiencing it in my body and my heart.
but there are times when there's a balance. and i live for those times. when i am experiencing deeply through my camera, when it is almost a tool for meditation. when it gets me closer to the forces in our world that we can't always see, but that are in all of us.
so i guess that's a little obscure, and i'm sure that you won't see that way when you look at these seemingly random images. but when i look at them i remember how i was feeling at that place, and what i was thinking about, and dreaming about, and that's all i need.
these may be some of the last pictures i have from this beloved camera, since it broke going through security at an airport in texas. hopefully it can be fixed! it wasn't very expensive but it's made well and i was totally shocked when i got it home and something was rattling around in it. to me it feels a little like if someone had lit one of my journals on fire.
thank you for reading, if you are. i have a couple personal projects planned, a few trips, and a new lens to play with, so by extension i hope to blog more often. have a lovely week!