i generally carry all three of my cameras - the 50d, point & shoot, and a twin-lens film camera (the seagull). unfortunately, the film photographs usually take several months to ever see the light of day, so i end up with batches of images that i barely remember taking. or maybe fortunately? sometimes that's more fun. [caption id="attachment_624" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="south corvallis, winter"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_625" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="batman-mama kitty // jamaica & miriam"][/caption]

i think differently when i photograph using the seagull. it feels more natural, more like an extension of my eyes than my digital camera. and i know that it isn't technically the best kind, so i let go of that need for a perfect image and just try to capture a bit of what i'm seeing. there's a loss of control, when you can't see what you've made and you end up with light leaks and dust spots, that i always love. my printmaking teacher says, "happy accidents".

[caption id="attachment_626" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="thrillville, winter"][/caption]

i've been thinking a lot about that - capturing a piece of life, a slice of beauty, a tiny smidge of reality. so many of those attempts are futile - it seems impossible to truly catch that flickering smile, or the look in someone's eyes as they gaze at their lover. even the way a flower looks! to really and truly capture that is so hard. and there's that sense i get of spending my energy trying to render life onto film instead of being in the moment myself and actually experiencing it in my body and my heart.

[caption id="attachment_627" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="bellingham, spring"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_628" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="my savta pressed the shutter for these // me and silly maddie & happy accident on the right"][/caption]

but there are times when there's a balance. and i live for those times. when i am experiencing deeply through my camera, when it is almost a tool for meditation. when it gets me closer to the forces in our world that we can't always see, but that are in all of us.

[caption id="attachment_629" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="corvallis, late spring"][/caption]

so i guess that's a little obscure, and i'm sure that you won't see that way when you look at these seemingly random images. but when i look at them i remember how i was feeling at that place, and what i was thinking about, and dreaming about, and that's all i need.

[caption id="attachment_631" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="seattle, summer"][/caption]

these may be some of the last pictures i have from this beloved camera, since it broke going through security at an airport in texas. hopefully it can be fixed! it wasn't very expensive but it's made well and i was totally shocked when i got it home and something was rattling around in it. to me it feels a little like if someone had lit one of my journals on fire.

[caption id="attachment_639" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="texas, summer"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_640" align="aligncenter" width="510" caption="sister-girl. she belongs in a tree house"][/caption]

thank you for reading, if you are. i have a couple personal projects planned, a few trips, and a new lens to play with, so by extension i hope to blog more often. have a lovely week!